Ah, the job hunt—a mystical land where optimism goes to die, and hitting “submit application” feels like tossing a message in a bottle into a black hole. After what feels like an eternity in the trenches, it’s time to break down the true MVPs (and absolute flops) of the job board world—ranked by the number of jobs I’ve applied to and, most importantly, how many responses I’ve gotten. Let’s dive into the numbers, shall we?
1. LinkedIn: The King of ‘Maybe?’
(185 applications, 30 responses, 2 interviews)
LinkedIn, you beautiful, misleading tease. Out of 185 applications, I received 30 responses, which seems decent—until you realize most of them were polite rejections or ghosting after initial contact. Two interviews came out of it. Yes, just two.
LinkedIn is like that attractive person who flirts but never follows through. You give me just enough hope to keep me around, but not enough to actually make a difference. I see your game.
2. Indeed: The Minimalist Overachiever
(45 applications, 1 response, 1 interview)
Indeed, you are nothing if not efficient. Out of 45 applications, I received 1 response. Just one. But guess what? That single response turned into an interview!
Honestly, Indeed is playing hard to get. You’re like the quiet kid in class who never raises their hand, but when they do, it’s a mic drop. Sure, you don’t reply often, but when you do, you make it count. Quality over quantity, right?
3. Monster: The Grandpa Who Still Knows a Thing or Two
(25 applications, 5 responses, 1 interview)
Monster, you old-school gem. You may not be as flashy as LinkedIn or as cool as Indeed, but you’re steady. Out of 25 applications, you gave me 5 responses—which, let’s be honest, feels like winning the lottery at this point. One of those responses even turned into an interview!
Monster’s like that relative who still sends you a check for your birthday, even though you’re well into your 50s. You don’t expect much, but when something comes through, it’s oddly touching. Thanks for still being around, Monster. We appreciate you.
4. Glassdoor: The Silent Treatment Specialist
(32 applications, 0 responses, 0 interviews)
Glassdoor, are we even on speaking terms anymore? Out of 32 applications, I got exactly 0 responses. Nothing. Not even a polite rejection email. I put myself out there, opened my heart (and resume), and you just… ignored me.
Glassdoor is that friend who only calls when they need something, but when you reach out, they’re nowhere to be found. I read your company reviews religiously, Glassdoor! But apparently, you’re all take and no give.
5. Snagajob: The “Why Did I Even Bother?”
(2 applications, 0 responses, 0 interviews)
Snagajob, I don’t even know how I ended up applying through you. It was one of those late-night “let’s see what happens” decisions. I sent out 2 applications, fully aware that I was tossing my resume into the digital abyss, and predictably, I received 0 responses.
It’s like wandering into a party where you don’t know anyone and realizing halfway through that you’re not even sure why you’re there. But hey, at least I gave it a shot, right? A+ for effort, I guess.
The Final Verdict
Gold Medal: LinkedIn – for sheer volume of responses. You’re the most engaging, even if most of it is polite rejection.
Silver Medal: Monster – for unexpectedly delivering real responses and even an interview. Grandpa’s still got it.
Bronze Medal: Indeed – for being the quiet kid who doesn’t talk much but, when they do, they land you an interview.
Participation Ribbon: Snagajob – for at least existing and giving me a distraction from LinkedIn for five minutes.
Disqualified: Glassdoor – for ghosting me harder than a Halloween haunted house.
And that, my friends, is how the job board Olympics played out in my world. If this were a sport, I’d have 287 applications under my belt, and I’m not even sure what the prize is. A new job? A lifetime supply of rejection emails? Who knows. One thing’s for sure: I’ll never look at LinkedIn’s “Someone viewed your profile” notification the same way again.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go refresh my inbox… for the 18th time today.
